bad piano day

today's the consecutive third lesson i've received dressing downs by her from the start to the end of it.

almost broke down today, ALMOST. but fortunately i didn't. or else she would have scolded me again for crying in front of her. i'm not ever going to cry in front of anyone anymore. it's pointless. no one's ever going to pity you. i've stepped out of the safe cosy boundaries of convent, into a world that's not going to provide any kind of protection, where i've learnt my hard way of hiding my emotions from others.

felt so fortunate to have my mom by my side. i told her everything about what happened during th past 3 piano lessons. i really felt depressed. so she was there today, comforting me, telling me to hang in there.

i'm having a real hard time trying to understand my piano teacher. if she had told me she was at drama arts centre, perhaps attending to some function, i would not have messaged her anymore. she told me she was irritated by my bugging that she had to switch off her phone. anyway, i msged twice only. fine. SORRY FOR THE BUGGING. why won't you just tell me and i will stop instantly?!

she said i was stupid. she often laughed at our shallow knowledge for everything. yar yar, we're pre-uni graduates. we're the ppl who's going to serve the country in near future. sometmies her high intelligence can really make me feel so inferior. i hope she understands i'm not as clever as her, and i don't have super good memory like her, played once, the piece is in her mind forever.

i'm not concentrating today. heart is not with her. can't blame her for scolding me, cos i'm in the wrong [although i've rambled so much about her].

whatever it is, it's still my fault, because i'm a student, you're my teacher.

6:29 AM :) :) :) :)

CHENGHONG}

convent girl to nyjc to NTU PSY
i like art.

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